Anyone who works in a church office knows that raising funds, particularly in summer months, is a challenge. But that effort must be somewhat funny to church folks and members, since there are so many humorous stories about stewardship and giving. To lighten up Voices in honor of summer and the upcoming holiday, we’ve gathered some that we hope will bring you a chuckle. Enjoy!
Two men were marooned on an island. One man paced back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, “Aren’t you afraid we are about to die?” “No,” said the second man. “I make $100,000 a week and tithe faithfully to my church. My pastor will find me.”
Was the church service worth a dollar?
As a man and his family drove home after church, he was complaining about everything. He said, “The music was too loud. The sermon was too long. The announcements were unclear. The building was hot. The people were unfriendly.” He went on and on, complaining about virtually everything. Finally, his very observant son said, “Dad, you’ve got to admit it wasn’t a bad show for just a dollar.”
Don’t mess with church ladies
The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then said to the audience, “I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another drop from this lemon.” A thin, scholarly looking woman came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and asked, “What is the secret of your strength?” “Practice,” the woman answered. “I was the treasurer of a church for 32 years!”
Thy quorum be done
A true story: The chairman of a church finance committee declared the meeting could not be convened for lack of quorum. He asked one of the ministers present to lead in a prayer. Tired of the lengthy meeting, the minister intended to help the cause when he prayed, “Lord, we thank you for your Word that says, ‘where two or three are gathered in your name, they have a quorum.’” The meeting was promptly convened with a full quorum!
Everybody knew the roof was leaking, but the church kept putting off replacement. Finally, some areas of the ceiling in the sanctuary began to sag. The church called a congregational meeting. A very wealthy member rose and pledged $300 toward fixing the roof. Just then a small piece of the ceiling fell and hit him on the head. Somebody in the back of the church said, “Hit him again, Lord!”